‘Tis the season of gratitude! Social media is overflowing with daily posts about what people are thankful for in their lives. When life is good it’s so easy to look around and see all the amazing things in your life that you’re thankful for. But as we all know, life doesn’t always seem ‘good.’ There are deep valleys, pain, struggle, anxiety, illness, heartbreak and loss. While everyone else is making their list of things they’re thankful for, some people are struggling to crawl out of bed each morning and face the reality of their circumstances. In this life there are no guarantees that things will be good, and this season of gratitude can be especially difficult for those experiencing hard times.
Just a year ago, my family was facing a serious uphill battle. My husband had just started working again after nearly a year of unemployment. We lived with my mom because we had lost our home six months earlier when we could no longer pay our rent. Everything we owned was in storage for an undetermined amount of time. Our credit was in the toilet after ten months of missed bills and generally struggling to provide even basic necessities for our children. Without a doubt, things were rough. But it was in that extremely low place that we learned the most about gratitude. We surely had a lot to wish for. I wished that we had our own home to live in, a little money to buy anything more than just basic groceries, the option to drive through Chick-fil-a when I was too exhausted to cook, half a clue what our future might look like or when things might get better. So many little things that had seemed like part of ordinary life were now luxuries to us.
It was easy to look around and feel like we had so little while everyone around us was living a normal life. It was depressing, but I needed to keep it together for my children, my husband, and my own sanity. Focusing my thoughts on what we didn’t have was not only unhelpful, but it was dangerous for my mental health. Yet it was a daily struggle to think of anything else. I knew I needed make a serious effort to refocus my mind in a very intentional way.
I began keeping a gratitude journal. I didn’t go out and buy a notebook or craft anything fancy. I just made a small list at the bottom of my planner each day of the things I was grateful for. Some days this list included the simplest things such as- I’m thankful that we’re all healthy. I’m thankful for laundry to wash, toys to pick up, meals to cook, and dishes to do. These aren’t usually the things we think of when we’re reflecting on the blessings in our lives, but in our case they were all we had. I had to learn to see all the little things for the blessings they really were. Eventually I was able to add my husband’s new job, some money to buy our kids Christmas gifts, and the amazing family we have to make our holiday season warm and wonderful. This practice really helped to change my perspective about what is worthy of our gratitude and what feels like a blessing. The little daily tasks and chores were all reminders that with nothing else we still had three healthy, happy little girls and each other, and I truly realized that that’s all I need. I was able to see that even in difficult circumstances, there are always things to be thankful for. Clinging to my gratitude for those simple little things is what got me through many of those tough days.
In addition to being thankful for what we had, I learned how to be content with what we had. This might have even been more essential than gratitude. Everywhere I looked, especially over the holiday season, I saw things we didn’t have, couldn’t have, might never have. We had no idea when we’d ever feel like we could spend a dollar on a non-necessity again, and that was hard. I had to be content right where we were- right in the middle of the storm. I knew our near future wouldn’t hold much in the way of material things so there was no point in relying on them for our happiness. The day this sunk in was a HUGE turning point. We live in a highly consumerist society where the prevailing message is that we need to buy more to be happier. If we just had those trendy clothes, upgraded gadgets, cool toys, new cars, etc. we’d be happier and our friends would like us more. Our life could look like that commercial! But that’s a lie. We don’t need any of those things to be happy, and the sooner we realize that, the happier we’ll actually be. When we reduce or remove the desire for more, we can truly be happy with what we already have- maybe even less.
Finally, I learned to be thankful for the damn storm. I know that sounds really impossible, but trust me when I tell you it. is. so. helpful. I learned to look at our struggle as a lesson learned- and let me tell you, there were plenty of lessons to be learned from our experience. As a person of faith, I also trusted that our trial was preparing us for what was ahead. I thanked God for what we were learning as well as what He was preparing for our future. I had no idea what it was, but I knew there was a reason we had to get through this. This was part of our story and it was shaping us, our marriage, and our family for the next chapter. I held tight, with a white-knuckled grip, to my belief that God had better days ahead for us. There were many times that belief helped me through the day, hour by hour. Viewing a difficult situation as a necessary step in our journey helped give our circumstances meaning and purpose. Instead of feeling like the universe was against us, I could feel like this was growth, an opportunity. This was training and preparation. If we could hang on day-to-day and do the things that were within our control, eventually we’d see the payoff and come out better on the other side.
None of this is easy. It takes intention, effort, and a will to make lemonade out of total shit. But the effort is worth it. Perspective is so powerful. You’ve heard it said a million times- we can’t control what happens to us, but we can control our reaction. When we choose gratitude, we choose joy. Gratitude always translates to joy. And choosing joy in the midst of our struggles can only help us through.
I’m happy to say that this season, a year later, as Thanksgiving approaches and we reflect on all of our blessings, my husband has celebrated his one-year anniversary at his job, and he absolutely loves it. We live in our own home in an amazing little town I used to dream of living in. Our finances are under control and on the rebound. And we are forever changed for the better by that hardship. We’ll never take simple things for granted. We appreciate everything we have and need very little in the way of material things. Most of all, we’re perfectly happy with our simple life as long as we’re healthy and together.
So many people struggle at this time of year for many different reasons. Shifting our mental focus to the small things in life, even the tiniest of blessings, made a big difference for us. It didn’t change our circumstances, but it changed how we felt about what we were going through. We can all hope and pray that we never have to experience hardship, but a habit of practicing gratitude can help tremendously when we do.
Have you ever had to overcome difficult circumstances or hardships at the holiday season, or any season? What helped you?
